A recent Merci study on Dutch gratitude habits reveals a key gender difference: women express attentiveness from genuine emotion, while men prioritize being perceived that way.
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This distinction came to mind after watching a TV segment where an older man praised his wife for her nurturing care—timely meals, ironed clothes, and fresh coffee. He claimed they 'take good care of each other,' yet his example of reciprocity was plucking a single wilted flower from the garden for her, emphasizing 'it's the gesture that counts.'
It's a classic case illustrating the gap between genuine attentiveness and wanting credit for it. Drawing from Merci's research into Dutch habits, let's explore how we express and receive gratitude.
Dutch people love online shopping but prefer in-person thanks. Merci's study examined thanking rituals, gift-giving, and recipient reactions—timely as supermarkets stock up on Merci chocolates for end-of-school-year teacher gifts.
Many parents, like myself, scramble last-minute for a thoughtful token, heading straight to the chocolate aisle—often finding it empty due to shared last-minute thoughtfulness.
Only 16% of Dutch people thank with a gift, yet it delivers joy to both giver and receiver. Witnessing someone's delight from your gesture creates a rewarding cycle of positivity.
44% of Dutch adults say 'thank you' (or variants) 5-10 times daily; over a third do so more than 10 times. Texts or WhatsApps match physical gestures like hugs or pats on the back.
Gifts thank for friendship/support (58%), holiday pet/mail care (47%), or help with moves/chores (46%). Less common: teachers (7%), class parents (6%), babysitters (6%), cleaners (5%).
Merci's findings confirm: women focus on the recipient's happiness when gifting; men emphasize signaling their own thoughtfulness to others.
57% of Dutch enjoy personal gift-giving to spread joy.
89% opt for verbal thanks; 57% use texts/WhatsApps; 55% hugs/kisses. Just 16% give gifts—a surprisingly low figure.
Top choices: flowers, personalized items (drinks, vouchers, chocolate). 82% have given chocolate as thanks.
We cherish seeing the recipient's reaction, underscoring the value placed on perceived attentiveness.
16% feel uneasy receiving thank-you gifts—a cultural trait tied to Dutch restraint: 'act normal to stay crazy enough.'
Women may experience this more than men, though the study doesn't specify.
What are your go-to thank-you gifts to give or receive?
