In June 2002, I bought my last Father's Day gift for you. Do you remember what it was, Daddy? I don't anymore—it's been so long since that Father's Day without you. But it doesn't matter. Every Father's Day, I think of you. I flip through my photo album and smile at the picture of me as a one-year-old, sniffing flowers in your vegetable garden. That was my favorite pastime—discovering each flower's scent. Even now, I can't resist leaning in to smell them.
This week, I watched your seven-year-old granddaughter bury her nose in a bouquet. "Mama, this smells so good—you have to try it!" she exclaimed. Her joy mirrored mine, and I wished you could witness this, seeing yourself in her as much as I do.
You'd probably recall Stef Bos's song "Papa," also beautifully sung by Chantal Janzen. "Who?" you might ask. Fourteen years ago, she won the John Kraaijkamp Musical Award for emerging talent. Musicals weren't your thing, so I understand if she's unfamiliar.
Today, she hosts top TV shows, and her rendition of "Dad, I look more and more like you" resonates deeply, especially for daughters like me. I take after Mom most, but I've inherited your temperament and perseverance—traits your granddaughter shares too.
Here comes Father's Day again—the 14th without you. My kids feel for me. "You have no parents, so you never celebrate Mother's or Father's Day," my youngest son once said. "That's sad," my daughter added. "But then you don't have to buy gifts—we save money!" my eldest quipped wisely. Kids always find the silver lining. I recently shared a similar reflection on Mother's Day without Mom—parallel yet profoundly different.
This year, my mini vegetable garden blooms vibrantly, with dahlias painting cheerful hues. As I inhale a flower's fragrance, I feel you right beside me. If only we could capture that moment in a photo...
The truth you sought
and never found
I seek it too, in vain
as long as I live
Stef Bos – Papa
