Father Gerard shares his rainbow family experience: "We form a harmonious family together."
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A rainbow family involves more than two parents raising a child together. For Father Gerard, this means two fathers and a mother collaboratively caring for their son. It's a deliberate choice made before the child's birth to embrace multi-parenting.
In the Netherlands, rainbow families with more than two parents are gaining recognition. In the summer of 2017, we met Gerard, his partner Amerigo, and their son Liam at a scenic French campsite. My daughter Laura connected with Liam, sparking a friendship that turned our week into a shared adventure. Gerard agreed to an interview for Mams at Work, offering firsthand insights into fatherhood, parenting, and multi-parenthood.
"I've always wanted children, but given my circumstances, becoming a father seemed unlikely. At 33, while working in youth care, I felt called to foster care. I saw the urgent need for foster parents for children removed from home. My partner Amerigo was supportive, and we planned to attend an info session when Amerigo's friend Liedewij approached us. She was seeking a committed father figure for her child." That marked the beginning of our rainbow family.
"Liedewij longed for children without waiting for a partner. She preferred a known, involved father over an anonymous donor and envisioned co-parenting with us as dual fathers. This shifted our perspective from fostering to biological parenting. After thoughtful discussions among the three of us, we agreed Amerigo would be the biological father. Nearly two years of conversations followed, leading to her pregnancy and an extraordinary journey."
"Liam's pregnancy and first year were transformative. Though not his biological father, I bonded instantly with him. Navigating my role as the 'third' parent felt natural amid positive reactions from our circle. Initially, Liedewij lived afar and sought housing in Amsterdam. For the first three months, Liam stayed primarily with her. Then, every other weekend, she visited with him for evenings. By six months, he stayed with us independently—a challenge for Liedewij, but it smoothed out. Now, seven years on, Liam spends Sundays to Tuesdays with us, often extending his stays seamlessly."
"Liam thrives in our care. We three confer on key issues like school progress and development, planning holidays well ahead. Yet, we respect each other's parenting approaches. Living in two homes, we create a unified, harmonious family. Liam adores our together time and is fully content with this setup."
"I feel deeply involved as Liam's father, but legally, I'm not recognized alongside Liedewij and Amerigo. Dutch law doesn't allow it, creating hurdles like hospital decisions without proof of parentage. Advocacy groups like Meer dan Gewenst push for reform, with proposed legislation stalled. Change can't come soon enough."
"Multi-parenting's beauty lies in our deliberate commitment—unlike some traditional paths. It enables seamless care sharing, like during Liedewij's absences. I cherish my free days too. In our time and country, such families are possible, and I'm grateful."
The Meer dan Gewenst Foundation advocates for rainbow family laws and hosts parent meetups. Learn more at their website.
