Discovering infidelity can feel devastating, like your world is collapsing under intense pain. The good news? As sexologist Gérard Leleu explains, you can overcome it. Recovery hinges on your attitude. Start by giving meaning to the event. Resist the victim role—no self-blame like 'It's my fault' or accusations like 'He's a bastard.' Instead, view this as a chance to reflect on your relationship, his needs, and why he sought elsewhere. Position yourself as the architect of your life, not its victim. Infidelity becomes an opportunity to strengthen your partnership—or at least yourself.
With this mindset, address the pain head-on. Leleu advises: Give your pain greater proportions. Betrayal often reopens childhood wounds, like abandonment or devaluation, bruising the ego. We compare ourselves unfavorably, assuming we're less desirable. But remind yourself: as adults, no one can truly abandon us—unlike childhood, where it threatened survival. Your partner's actions aren't fully to blame; much stems from past hurts. Skip accusations that block reconciliation ('You're making me suffer'). Instead, nurture your wounded inner child, console it, and ask: What am I hurting myself with? rather than 'You make me unhappy.' This clarity enables perspective, open talks, and understanding your relationship dynamics. Courage!
Dr. Gérard Leleu, Always Love, Daily Malin, 2014, 10 euros
