It's common after a breakup to insist on staying friends with your ex, even when you know exactly why the relationship ended—whether feelings faded or you simply weren't right for each other. Yet, many of us hold on. A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences explored this by surveying 348 participants, who provided 153 reasons for remaining friends. These were then rated by a second group for importance, revealing the top 7 motivations:
Nostalgia – "We had a great time together."
Pragmatic benefits – "He/she has money" or "I can continue living in his/her apartment."
Lingering feelings – "I still feel something for this person."
Shared responsibilities – "I am pregnant," "We have children together," or "We bought a house together."
Social connections – "I don’t want it to be weird with our friends."
Emotional but not sexual attraction – "I still like this person, but I'm no longer sexually attracted."
Sexual convenience – "I don’t want a relationship, but I'd like to keep having sex."
Researchers noted that men more often cited sexual or practical reasons, though personality played a key role: extroverts leaned toward sexual motivations, while pessimists held on due to nostalgia or unresolved feelings.
While the study doesn't judge if staying friends is wise, it confirms you're not alone in wanting to try.
