"Benevolence." "Positive Pedagogy." 
As a seasoned parent of over a decade, these words evoke warmth and aspiration. They're the hallmarks of a compassionate approach to raising kids, emphasizing encouragement over punishment. Beautiful ideals, right?
Absolutely. They paint a picture of gentle guidance—like chasing away dark clouds with a radiant sun. They evoke the scent of fresh wildflowers and sun-warmed sand. They practically sing with promise.
But in reality? I try—hard.
Take the other evening. My 11.5-year-old preteen sweetly asked for tablet time (classic negotiation tactic). Channeling my inner benevolent parent (let's call him Blaise), I replied, "Of course, my dear!"
Blaise, ever the optimist, added, "30 minutes."
Thirty minutes later, Blaise peeked in benevolently. "Looks like time's up, doesn't it?"
Innocent as ever. The tween responded, "Yessss, Mom, I'm just finishing something."
Blaise, a touch naive (but oh-so-kind), consulted his mental benevolence dictionary to ponder what this 'something' entailed. (He counts on that Swiss precision watch of his.)
Seventeen minutes past that—now we're at 47 total—my less-patient side (Lulu) emerged, doubting Blaise's faith. We opened the door expecting the tablet safely returned to the living room. No big deal; kids forget.
We're reasonable parents, after all.
Wrong. Lulu was right.
Staying (mostly) zen, I said caringly—yet firmly—with capitals for emphasis: "Sweetie, it seems your 'thing' is taking quite a while to finish, isn't it? Blaise and I get it—finishing tasks shows responsibility, focus, and commitment to doing things right."
Silence.
In truth? I asked if she respected me at all. She shot back, "It's fine, I said I'm finishing!"
Benevolence shattered (no spanking allowed these days), I grabbed the tablet.
NO. BUT. REALLY.
Next time, I'll recommit. In the meantime, check out Sabine's spot-on post on exhausted yet positive parenting 🙂.
