It's been a while since I last shared about navigating adolescence with my teens—especially the challenge of letting go. As a parent of a 17-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter entering puberty, I'm constantly balancing pride with frustration. Teens can truly test your patience, and the advice to 'just let go' often feels impossible. How do you do it effectively?
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I was inspired to revisit this topic after reading Adolescent Management for Men by Henk Hansen, who kindly offered me a copy. With our 17-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter at home, real-world strategies are essential. While the title targets dads, its wisdom applies equally to moms and couples sharing parenting duties.
We get many things right—like clothing allowances—but mishaps persist. Drawing from years of hands-on parenting and this evidence-based book, here's how we're improving.
Conflicts often arise over minor issues that spark emotional explosions. Here's a recent example: I returned from my afternoon workout to find my daughter snacking on peanuts. The extractor hood fan was on in the annex— a telltale sign of air fryer use. I'd left at 1:30 p.m., with my son home during his internship break. Despite eating instant noodles for lunch (and promising an apple later), he'd opted for snacks instead.
I confronted him: 'Were the snacks tasty? Did you eat that apple?' The untouched fruit bowl confirmed my suspicions. He denied using the air fryer—a lie that undermines our trust, which we've discussed endlessly.
Lying triggers my emotions, despite our open talks on trust's fragility. I chose to disengage by not cooking his early dinner before his side job, telling him to make a sandwich. He later acknowledged it was due to the dishonesty.
Once he left, I vented to my husband, Frank, restoring calm. These moments underscore mutual growth in adolescence.
We grant freedoms like late nights with friends (with a text on return and location sharing), easing toward adulthood at 18. But deciding when to intervene remains tricky.
Hansen's book offers perspective: nearly every parent faces this. A key quote resonates: "You just have to throw the penny back in every time, until it finally falls." Persistence paid off—after months, my son now reliably texts home.
My mantra: 'Choose your battles.' Not every issue needs addressing; selective focus improves harmony. My goal? Raise resilient young adults who return home gladly.
I keep the book handy for both Frank and me—essential reading amid clashes.
How do you manage your teens?
For insights into the teen brain, I highly recommend Adolescent Management for Men.
This serves as my 'note to self' that we're not alone—adolescence stems from brain development, not just parenting. Its light tone clears emotional fog, backed by science.
When emotions run high, flipping through it restores calm—key for productive talks.
Need reassurance you're not alone? Win one of 2 copies by commenting: What's the toughest trait of your teen?
Ends December 30, 2021; winners notified automatically.
