Children aren't puppies—you can't just train them like pets. Instead, we must educate and guide them thoughtfully. The Taskforce Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse advocates for mandatory parenting courses to curb the alarming rates of child abuse in the Netherlands. Yet, the very words "mandatory" and "parenting course" raise red flags for me as an experienced parent.
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It's heartbreaking that so many children in the Netherlands suffer from abuse. I fully support blogger Marjolijn's recent article on the issue. However, I strongly believe mandatory parenting courses won't alleviate this crisis—and could even exacerbate it.
These courses would likely draw from the Triple P (Positive Parenting) method, already used in youth care. As a parent who's raised temperamental children, I have serious reservations about its approach.
Triple P emphasizes rewarding good behavior and ignoring the bad—even in infants. This includes letting babies cry it out, which borders on neglect—the very problem the taskforce aims to address.
Carine Kielstra, director of Triple P, argues in a NOS interview that everyone should take such courses: "You wouldn't think anyone can raise a dog without puppy training—why assume we can all raise children?"
But children aren't puppies. They don't obey commands like 'sit.' They assert their independence, requiring parents to set boundaries and guide them patiently. That's education, not training.
True parenting skills aren't mastered in a few sessions. They develop through love, intuition, trial, and error—learning from mistakes along the way.
Every child is unique; no one-size-fits-all method like Triple P works universally. My temperamental kids didn't respond to ignoring behavior—what's "undesirable" anyway? Norms from a course might clash with my values. I relied on my instincts, supplemented by extensive reading on spirited children (I've even blogged about it).
Parenting styles vary as much as people do. Strictness might work one day, flexibility another. One child thrives on structure, another on freedom.
Mandatory courses are a misguided waste of resources. We'd do better investing in prosecuting abusers and supporting victims. Like puppies, children deserve safe, loving homes.
What do you think of mandatory parenting courses for new parents? Good idea or not?
Tip: Order the book Temperamental Children I mentioned—available online.
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