"Make love, not war!" It's a mantra echoed by bonobos, as detailed in a recent Wired article. Researchers Zanna Clay and Frans de Waal from Emory University observed these primates using sexual behavior to navigate stress effectively.
Drawing from their expertise, we've adapted these insights for human relationships. Here's how to embrace the "bonobo way" for stronger bonds.
What bonobos do: "Rather than escalating conflict, bonobos use sex to eliminate tension and restore peace," the researchers explain.
How to apply it: In the heat of a big argument, pause before expending energy on unproductive words. Reconnect intimately instead—it's more effective and enjoyable.
What bonobos do: They also use it "to mediate food-related conflicts," per the study.
How to apply it: Forgot the bread your partner requested? Greet them with affection upon arriving home—it'll help smooth things over quickly.
What bonobos do: "Bonobos also have sex to bond with each other."
How to apply it: Feeling distant lately? Increase intimacy; it's a proven way to rebuild closeness, backed by primate behavior research.
What bonobos do: "Bonobos also use sex to console those who are victims of conflict, through genital contact with hands or feet, or by copulating," the scientists note.
How to apply it: If your partner is upset, offer gentle touch or intimacy. Accept it when given—the oxytocin boost can lift both your moods.
What bonobos do: "Masturbation is a very useful indicator to measure stress in bonobos. After a conflict, bonobos masturbate a lot among themselves or alone, suggesting it helps combat stress."
How to apply it: Feeling overwhelmed? Self-care through masturbation can relieve tension and support well-being, as bonobo studies suggest.
"Come on, a kiss!"
