Do you have children from a previous union? Your partner too... You then form what is called a blended family. How to manage this new family configuration? And above all, how do you ensure that your little ones find their place in this new family?
Blended family:no, you are not alone!
There are 720,000 blended families in France and among them, 1.5 million children, or just over one in ten (source:Insee). The numbers prove it:blended families are no longer a rarity, quite the contrary.
It is estimated that 410,000 children live in blended families with other children from this new union, half-brothers or half-sisters. If you are affected by this family pattern, it is normal to worry about the well-being of your child. Will he get along well with the other members? Will he find his place in this new sibling? How to explain these changes to him? By preparing the ground, the transition can be a real success.
Succeeding the transition in partnership with your ex-spouse!
Parental separation is traumatic for a child. Forming a new family with another spouse and half-siblings can cause stress, insecurity and jealousy. The agreement of the parents during the separation is crucial so that the child does not feel held hostage. Do not criticize your ex-spouse in front of your child, he will understand and could be angry with you and your new partner. Finally, joint custody is a solution that promotes family recomposition. The child maintains a certain balance between his two parents.
How to find your place in a blended family?
- Don't idealize the perfect blended family :do you dream that everything will go well from the start? That the children all like each other and accept their stepfather or their stepmother? Although you will share good times, there will also be some clouds in this family happiness. Be prepared to overcome them.
- Give everyone time :No need to work hard to get everyone to get along right from the start. It could even be counterproductive. Allow time for each member of this new family to get to know and get to know each other, even if it takes weeks or months. Avoid forcing things and let time act.
- Agree on household rules :your spouse agrees that the children watch TV on the way home from school while you are against it? His children go to bed at 8 p.m. while yours can stay up until 9 p.m.? This kind of situation often happens in a blended family because of different educational practices. To ensure that no child feels unfair, agree on the house rules between adults and then explain them to them.
- Take into account the needs of each child :Parental separation is experienced differently by everyone. Anyway, it is always a pain that marks the child. The latter may feel abandoned, insecure. He can be aggressive towards a new spouse. To overcome this difficult period, remain available to discuss with your child. Explain the situation to him by choosing words appropriate to his age. And above all, never stop reassuring him of the unconditional love you have for him.
- Keep special time for your child :for blended family life to be a success, you do not have to do everything together. On the contrary, keep special moments with your children. Those of your new spouse will also be happy to find their parent just for them for the time of a cinema, a restaurant, a walk in the park, etc.
- Prepare for the arrival of a new little one :the family is going to grow and this is wonderful news… But not always for your respective children who once again experience the fear of abandonment. This new baby can create jealousy and feelings of insecurity. In this situation, dialogue is still the key to preparing the children to welcome the new member of this blended family. Involve them in this happy event and reassure them of the importance of their place in this family.
Integrating into a blended family can be a difficult stage in the life of a child. How do you find your place in this new family? As a parent, always maintain a dialogue with your child to help him understand the situation, and that he has all the place he deserves in this family.
