Am I the only mother whose son seems to struggle in school? He thrived in primary school, in a class of 34, where he was smart, streetwise, funny, and observant—though he occasionally daydreamed amid the noise and bustle. He managed well by staying quiet, blending in without standing out or causing trouble. Yet, he never truly learned how to learn. It felt like he was just waiting.
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He qualified for HAVO via the Cito test. Friends and family saw him as socially adept, empathetic, and mature—he'd do fine in high school, they said.
But high school hit hard. Suddenly, teens are expected to master planning, organizing, agendas, packing bags methodically, prioritizing, and pacing toward goals—every single day. All while adolescent bodies crave more sleep in the mornings.
Add navigating girls' sharper social dynamics (developmentally ahead by 1-1.5 years) and competing in the 'survival of the fittest' among testosterone-fueled boys with changing bodies. 'He's just lounging and yawning?' Energy drains fast.
Different teachers for every subject test his intuitive sense of who genuinely cares. He spots the fakers instantly.
He started with failing grades but pushed on. As his mom, I'm not a teacher—we felt ignored. At year's end, despite a plea amid mounting fails, he advanced to second year, but the fresh start faded. He loved school but couldn't see the purpose amid escalating failures.
Overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emails, papers, books, laptops, websites, and Magister (where grades hit like thunderbolts, stinging deeply).
He didn't make it—far from it—despite extra remedial teaching and homework help. We dropped to VMBO-T. My heart knows he'll succeed there, whatever the level. Happiness and health matter most, right? Yet this isn't ideal.
VMBO-T demands the same: motivation, oversight, neat work, planning, steady pacing—daily, weekly. At the repeaters' info night, mostly boys: slumped, feigning nonchalance. Where were the girls?
After two years HAVO and a third in VMBO-T, at 15 (among the youngest), he stayed back. Teens this age are urged to self-manage, but it suits some better than others. He's labeled a 'problem'—extra cost for outliers.
I nearly felt alone, but locally, many boys drop from gymnasium to HAVO, HAVO to VMBO-T, framework to basic—or quit entirely, switch schools, or stay home. Burnout or mismatch.
I know men from 30 years ago who flunked similarly, yet built fulfilling lives as employees, entrepreneurs, thriving on strengths, at their pace—doing, daring, dreaming. Grass doesn't grow faster in poor soil.
From this mother's heart: Do you have a son struggling in school? Where reports say 'it's there, but not coming out'? Or were you that boy? Curious to hear.
Sometimes it feels like he's the only one not meeting expectations!
