Do I have the only son.....? The only son who doesn't seem to be doing very well in school? A boy who came along quite nicely in primary school. Where he spent years in a class of 34 children. Smart, life-wise, funny, beautiful. At the edge of the classroom. Observing and photochromic. Oh yes….. and he occasionally dreamed away.
For five days with all those sounds, people, information around him. But he always did quite well. He survived. By being quieter. Not bold, not striking, not difficult to learn. But not really learning how to learn anyway.
In a kind of waiting room.
Table of contents
He scored HAVO with the Cito. The people around us think he's a way of life boy. Social, empathetic and wise. He would make it in high school.
But what happened there!! A high school child. Joh, they immediately understand planning, organizing and filling in the agenda, right? Pack your bag neatly, have an overview and set priorities. And of knowing how to get to the final end result step by step. Keeping a pace, every day. While his adolescent body is still sleeping for the first hours of his schedule.
Especially if he is also allowed to find out how girl venom works. From girls who are one year to one and a half years ahead in development. And meanwhile also has to look for his place among adolescent boys. Standing strong in the survival of the fittest.
With a huge increase of testosterone throughout their body. A changing body. How much energy does that go into? "He's hanging out and he's yawning?" …..
With all different teachers for these teenagers. And with his tactile power he knows exactly which teacher really means it and which doesn't. Does he know who can act in the class and who cannot.
He starts with huge failings. But oh well…. he has to go on…..
And as a mother I am not a teacher. We don't really feel heard or seen. He writes his plea at the end of the school year with a mountain of fail marks. He can go to the second, but it won't be this fresh chance either. He enjoys going to school every day. But his test failure is increasing. And he doesn't know what he's doing it all for.
He doesn't oversee the mix of different tornadoes via mail, paper, book, laptop, websites and the golden Magister. The Magister….. where numbers thunder in when you don't want it. Ouch.....how much it hurts him to receive those bad grades.
He doesn't make it….. really far from it. But we are still not really seen, heard and understood. Meanwhile, with external Remedial Teaching and homework guidance behind his back.
He drops…. To VMBO-T. And believe my mother's heart:he will get there. I don't care what level. As long as he's happy. Isn't that what we all wish for our children besides health? Well! This is not really a situation to stay really happy with.
But also at VMBO-T you have to motivate, oversee, work neatly, plan and set the pace. Every day, every week at a pace. Quite a foundation… wherever you are. At the information evening for the relapsers there are almost only boys. Slumped. Quasinochalant! Buoys….. I wonder:Where are the girls…..??
He doesn't make it through third year of high school. After two years of Havo and the third year of VMBO-t , he stays put. He just turned 15. One of the youngest in the class for years. Young people of this age are only just being asked to act and tackle things themselves. But how does that work? Better suited to one character than another.
He is seen as a problem in the education system. Yes …. trouble a child who falls outside the boat…. that will cost extra money and energy.
Really, as a mother I would almost get the feeling of having the only son where the school system doesn't work. But if I hear rightly around me, there are many boys in our region alone who drop out. Stay seated. Drop out completely. From gymnasium to havo. From Havo to VMBO-T. And from Framework to Basic….. to other schools….. or at home! Because they're up. Or because it really doesn't fit anymore.
And I know many men who, like me, were in a similar education 30 years ago. Men who didn't make it in the school system either. And who have now created mighty beautiful things. As an employee, as an entrepreneur, as a person.
With their strengths and development at their own pace. Who have gotten beautiful lives by doing, daring and dreaming. Simply because grass does not grow faster in a less fertile place. Or at times when it just doesn't work.
Therefore my most desperate question from a big mother's heart:“Do you also have a son who does not make it in education? ” As every time from his tests and reports comes: It's in there, but it's not coming out. Or were you such a boy yourself? It makes me very curious.
Just because sometimes it seems I have the only son who isn't doing as expected!
